Website bills pour in as Rabbitte sets groundbreaking precedent

Home-owners are due to receive roughly 644 million bills per month following a groundbreaking – and some say insane – recommendation by Minister for Communications, Pat Rabbitte which sees website owners & operators across the globe gleefully billing Irish citizens for their ability to view their content online.

The number of “website bills” currently being delivered – coming it at roughly 644 million per household – is likely to cause financial strain on an already heavily taxed populace. Furthermore, the weight of the bills, repetitive pushing of the letterbox flap and the encumbent recycling charges for disposal of the paid bills are due to cause further stress to families.

“It’s just what we need” said a sarcastic Frank Browsteam of Tallagh, Dublin. “I’ve just been made redundant from a factory where I made little coats for dogs. Now I’m expected to pay a monthly fee to 644 million different websites? I just think it’s a bit much”

The Minister said everyone that will have to pay a new broadcasting charge to replace the TV licence, regardless of whether or not they own a television. “Everyone benefits from quality content provided by RTÉ Television and Radio. A national institution, it brought us The Lyrics Board, The Grip with Ryle Nugent, Sandy Kelly and that pathetic docu-drama set in Dublin where a load of amateur actors have set-up conversations about ridiculous topics over sponsored cups of coffee in the grey drizzle.”

“Everybody benefits from the availability of these services, regardless of how content is accessed or relayed to the public, and therefore it is my view that the cost should be borne by society as a whole” added Rabbitte, informedly.

Since the statement, website owners across the world have been billing the Irish for the ability to view their content, with monthly tariffs ranging from a small fee to more substantial three-figure fees.

“Some of these I just can’t afford as it is” says Basil Urgent from Kildare. “worldoftilesromford.co.uk are looking for €80 a month, but adult site www.butthammer.nz want over €400 for their site. It’s too much”
“And that’s only two of the 600 million or so that are going to come every month. Look at this one – ‘you owe www.wholesale-ass-wipeout.org the monthly sum of €288′ it says” he added.

Choosing a site at random, The Codologist contacted www.nottinghamlawnmowers.net, who claimed that the monthly fees were just about covering the cost of sending letters to everyone in Ireland.

Mr. Urgent said there was already smoke coming off his Laser card from paying the bills and his thumb was all sore from opening envelopes all day. However, when asked if he would be paying the RTE content charge, Mr Urgent laughed heartily and mentioned something about putting man-boy Ryan Tubridy in a cave with an angry, rabid seal.

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