Vita Cortex workers in Princely Pop Pizza Proposal

Spokesman for Cork’s inspirational Vita Cortex workers Con Flatcap gave a vitriolic speech from the embattled company’s roof this morning, refusing the full payment of pay demands from owner Jack Ronan and demanding the men now be given squatters’ rights on the premises. “From the banks of our lovely Lee to the gates of Pouladuff car dismantler’s yard, we know the plain people of the Real Capital will not give up on us and will support us through the next phase of our struggle” said Flatcap, who was holding a copy of the Evening Echo and supping on a pint of Beamish. “Since we started the sit-in, we’ve met Alex Ferguson, got loads of free pizza from Uncle Pete’s and got Christy Moore down for a free gig. We just couldn’t give up at this crucial stage, with so much progress made. It was wonderful to have so many high-profile supporters, even though at one stage Paul McGrath unfortunately showed up”. Flatcap said that struggling for justice in these tough economic times was not over for the working classes in Cork. “Also, some of us really want to meet Prince and he’s popping in to support us on Thursday week, with a 22-inch Double-Melt Chorizo-Blast Bellybuster from Dominos for each of us – so we’d be totally bananas to give up now” he enthused. The name-changing Subbuteo-sized pop lunatic plans to deliver the pizza from the back of the enormous purple motorbike which dwarfed him to the height of a Barbie doll when he rode around on it in the 1984 film Purple Rain.

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