Varadkar releases new taxi-cab personality codes

After a divisive story spread through the media during the week, the National Transport Authority said the new “Hey – I’m Irish” green lights on taxis do not comply with signage regulations and could incur a fine of up to €250.

Varadkar, "Anyway...whatever"

Codes to be placed on all cabs

Minister for Transport Leo Varadkar said that he had only just become aware of the practice, for some reason. He said his personal view was that it was wrong. “I’ve only heard about this in recent days. The green light does not form part of the official sign, so it’s not permitted, and the green lights do have to be removed”, he said in his trademark cod-american accent.

In response to the problem, the Transport Minister launched a hastily drawn-up set of consumer display codes at a press conference today, to help prospective cab customers determine the type of person behind the wheel. “It shouldn’t just come down to whether the driver is from Poland, China, or Riegel 7 just off the Astral Superhighway. What really counts is whether there is a murderous look on his face as he drives you home, if indeed you do make it home. Further to this I have released mandatory new taxi signage to indicate the type of nefarious activity or compromised mental disposition of the freak that at the wheel so you can make an informed decision about whether you want to be sexually assaulted on your way home or simply offered spanking porn and Ketamine. These codes are due to be enforced by gardaí from next week.

“…But obviously that’s not going to happen” he said, picking his nose with his eyes half closed.

“Anyway, whatever” he added, before leaving.