Trapattoni to become wizard master of burger horseplay

Despite a convincing 4-1 over the Faroe Islands in a World Cup qualifying game tonight, Giovanni Trapattoni‘s  future as Ireland manager remains incredibly unclear following a roundly nonsensical press conference.

Disgruntled fan Billo Clarke. "Maybe if horses went to the pub they'd like showjumping, but I think it's ballax"

Trapattoni fielded questions from waiting reporters after tonights 4-1 victory, leaving his future as manager very much up in the air. “I say…when, to this country, I play for, it is.”

“A GREAT honour,” he continued “so and let me say this. And, I think, to buy this and an artichoke in the backlight on still with forethought, you say, I go, and to this players, I think. Roundhouse, for bushwack, in the night time.”

When asked if he knew if the FAI were going to sack him, he said “I feel, today. That – no more, in this country – yes to all, and I see. Yes? But with the cat, you never have, in the bag, as you say. Heh heh heh”

He then laughed for some time, although nobody in attendance could understand why.

Tonight’s match finished 4-1 to Ireland. Second-half goals from Marc Wilson, Jon Walters and Darren O’Dea, along with an own goal.

The celebrated Italian former manager’s future with Ireland has been the talk of beer-bellied eejits the length and breadth of the country since the dismal and pathetic performance at the 2012 UEFA European Football Championship. A 6-1 thrashing by Germany last Friday was the last hurrah for the manager in the eyes of many Irish fans. “We all had such a pissed-up laugh in 1989 when Packie Bonner saved that Romanian penalty and again in 1994 when little Ray Houghton did that goal in America. It’s not fair we’re so shite these days. You can’t go out and get buckled watching Cian O’Connor on his horse. It’s not the same” said Billo Clarke, a now chronic teetotaller from Smithfield who’s last Olé was a long time ago.

“Jack’s army, John Aldridge, them was the days” says Clarke. “We barely have any English lads playing with us any more, all the players even seem to know the Amhrán na bhFiann. No wonder we’re so bloody useless”

“Really really really really really really shite” he added.