Shatter vs Wallace tedious debacle exposes ‘Ministerial Jinxing with no comebacks’

The childish spat between long-haired crying tax bandit Mick Wallace and one-time sex writer TD Alan Shatter has shone a spotlight on some preposterous Dáil exemptions being regularly utilised by government staff to avoid penalty.

A miserable PR war erupted between Minister for Justice Alan Shatter and Independant Mick Wallace last week when it transpired that Wallace was let off by officers for using his phone in his car. Details on the incident were passed to Mr Shatter by Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan and Mr Shatter used them in a political attack on Mr Wallace whilst appearing on television.

Infinity no-comebacks stripping Gardaí of checkpoint power

In response however, a report of Minister Shatter being stopped at a Garda checkpoint has emerged today thanks to TD Mattie McGrath and makes for slightly more interesting reading thanks to some noteworthy findings. McGrath claims that Alan Shatter was driving from the Dáil and was stopped and breathalysed at a checkpoint. When he was found to be at twice the legal limit to drive, the Minister vocally copied the Garda’s arresting phraseology and then said “jinx – no comebacks” afterwards. Shatter then explained the legal situation of a ‘Ministerial jinxing’  to the Garda and was allowed to continue on his way.

“I had no choice” explained Garda Tadgh McRural to Griffith College Student Radio show ‘Internet memes and Stuff and Bands with Shauna and Ray from Multimedia Class‘. “He told me that it was part of a Dáil exemption and that if I arrested him while he had jinxed me – with no comebacks – the repercussions for my career would be immense”

When contacted, Minister Shatter admitted he had used the no comebacks defence, but it was no different to other TD’s who use it all the time. He also claimed that he had information from a senior Garda source relating to Independent Luke Ming Flanagan whereby the TD had been stopped by a Garda in Roscommon whilst smoking a joint and wearing a huge beanie hat bearing the slogan “Smoke Hash“. Flanagan duly jinxed the Garda and immediately called ‘Ministerial jinxing with infinity – no callbacks’ which resulted in an immediate paralysing of the Garda’s powers. The TD was then allowed to continue to wear and smoke as he pleased. Shatter alleged that – if his sources are correct – Flanagan regularly uses his Dáil immunity powers and once allegedly forced staff at McDonalds restaurant to make him a burger entirely out of cannabis, some ‘chicken nuggets’ out of magic mushrooms and to make some ‘fries’ out of cocaine. Shatter also claimed to have all sorts of saucy dirt on Mary Lou McDonald.

“I found it frustrating” said arrest-attempting Garda Buck Ticklewhip to local paper The Roscommon Eagle of Power. “Frustrating, and I suppose…irritating” he explained.

“It really got me…oh I don’t know…I suppose a bit…I don’t know I suppose a little bit…riled up” he further clarified in an excruciatingly stupid slow voice like an big ginger ape in a hat.