Secret clause in Children’s Referendum to enable State’s use of Hypnopoppins

A radical new measure is being introduced within the additional clauses proposed for the Children’s Referendum which, if passed, will see high-tech robotic “nannies” taking charge of children and brainwashing them to vote in favour of Fine Gael.

Actually pretty hot, for a robot

Article 6.D (N) is a rarely mentioned subsection which verbosely states “In the event of the that which is to be imminently proposed not not becoming otherly invalidated, that is to say clause 6.D “Statement of Intentional Certaintanience re: Robot Nanny Brainwash scheme” that stipulates the agreement of Parental control and educative remit (see clause B5.na(2)) to be handed to the provided 5000XL Deluxe Hypopoppins Nanny Unit, the child or children concerned will report to their local HypnoPoppins Resource Centre for microchip insertion and usage guidelines”

The clause makes mandatory the installation in the home of a prim and proper, tough-but-fair Nanny with staunch Fine Gael leanings and a firm belief in the success of heavy taxation to reduce recession. During the course of the child or children’s activites the Nanny will guide and advise with a firm and authoritative tone, repeatedly explaining how the banking crisis was inherited or how the Croke Park deal could work if progress is shown to be maintained by the public service.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny explains “It’s an idea I got from a Mayo man who said he used to brainwash his sheep, telling them that their field was the best and that the other fields are rubbish and to not bother even wandering over to them. He would just hang around them and repeat these phrases until it got into their subconscious. I think he may have seen it on a Chris Angel program, or maybe David Blaine, but it works on sheep and on one of his geese and it should on children too.”

The Children’s Referendum will be held on Saturday 10 November. The new article also says the best interests of the child should be the paramount consideration in any legal proceedings.

In an interview on 104fm’s Newstalk, Referendum Commission Chairwoman Ms Justice Mary Finlay Geoghegan outlined the outlook for the scheme’s future. “This is a scheme we will watch closely. In fact, we may have to create another few commissions and focus groups to examine it properly. You know, review it and that. I could be chairwoman of those groups, if it would make things easier? And we could all chat about the scheme, how it’s going and that. And maybe meet up in Jury’s Inn or The Maldron or wherever, and just have lunch and chat and stuff.”

“It’s an exciting scheme” she added

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