Asked this evening on Today FM what the Government’s ‘Plan B’ was if the treaty is rejected, the Minister suggested a second vote was possible. “We will have to say we will need access to this fund and I think Ireland will be looking to say, can we vote again?’
The country ‘will need access to this fund.”
A Government spokesperson later insisted that there would be no second vote, despite the comments.
By way of explanation for the confusion, Mr. Bruton said that he had accidentally began speaking via his alter ego children’s character Backwards Man which he uses at home when playing with his kids. In a statement hastily thrown together on a Supermacs napkin and read out by the minister in the foyer of the Today FM studios, Bruton confessed to “letting his personal alter-ego out temporarily in a moment of madness” while on official business. “Backwards Man is a fun game I play with my kids. They might ask me ‘is the sky blue’, for instance, and I would say ‘no’, meaning that it yes it was. Really, it’s hilarious. They might say ‘Daddy daddy, can we stay up late?’ and I would answer ‘of course you can’, meaning that I clearly wish for them to go to bed at once, which they do. Backwards Man is a very popular character around the Bruton household!” added the Minister, desperately. “That’s why I said that there would be a second vote, but of course I meant ‘No, there certainly would not’. And you can see how that explains that. I was being Backwards Man, you see. Backwards man“.
“Alright?”, he then said, before thanking the bewildered Today FM receptionist at whom he was speaking and leaving.
Later in the evening, Bruton appeared again at the studios, panting and sweating and clutching a new statement. In a different tack, he had decided that what he actually said was ‘goat’ and not ‘vote’. “I meant ‘goat’, not ‘vote’. I was trying to put across that in the future there may be a second GOAT for the Irish people, you know, ‘a chicken in every pot’ type of thing. A metaphor. NOT vote. GOAT”.
“Okay?” he then said again before looking worried and leaving. Eyewitnesses claim to have seen him chewing his nails and saying “fuckshitfuckbollocks” loudly in the back of his car as it sped away.