A number of Irish tabloids have created a loop in time and space thanks to a bitter headline-grabbing feud of outrage that has spilled backwards onto itself, resulting in a big black swirling hole in Dublin’s Temple Bar.
The incident started yesterday morning as The Irish Sun claimed that Enda Kenny would commit figurative rape upon the mothers of all Irish citizens with his spending cuts and welfare deductions in today’s budget. It was also claimed that Michael Noonan would assist in this by putting all Irish families in a figurative headlock and giving them a metaphorical noogie with his budgetary decisions.
In anticipation of this, Dublin’s The Irish Daily Star went to press with the headline “KENNY TO BUM IRISH PEOPLE UP THE ASS” while The Irish Mirror ran a headline about Tánaiste Eamon Gilmore commiting acts of unspeakable powertool torture on Irish taxpayers with Micheal Noonan and Enda Kenny sexually gratifying him while french-kissing each other.
However, in the afternoon The Irish Daily Mail ran a headline describing the Mirror’s headline as “sickening” and “vile” whilst The Evening Herald decried the Sun’s headline wording with “ASS RAPE: Sun’s headline spreads shock”.
A wormhole appeared at the News International offices in the centre of Dublin when the Sun retaliated with outrage to a story based on their own headline with another offensive headline “BASTARD TWATS SPREAD SHOCK AND FEAR”, inadvertently aimed at themselves. The Irish Mirror also fell foul of an outrage loop when it described it’s own previous day’s reporting as “feeble, useless, sickening, reprehensible” and “absolutely and profoundly wrong and horrific”. Their headline “MIRROR, SUN IN STORM AS KENNY SHOOTS IRISH MOTHERS IN EYE WITH BUDGET CUTS” increased the wormhole diameter to over 20 feet. This required a Garda presence to be established outside the Temple Bar offices, as the wormhole has attracted a large group of teenagers who had begun to throw small animals and café furniture into it.