Finance Minister Michael Noonan this morning told of his surefire quick-fix plan to make €5M with the transfer of funds into an exchequer account expected to happen shortly.
“I recieved a very interesting offer via email, and quickly decided to chase it up myself in the interest of the Irish taxpayer as it seemed like a shrewd way of attaining large funds quickly with minimal investement” said Noonan, while loudly eating a fry on the Newstalk FM breakfast show earlier.
“Apparently all I need is a bank account into which I will recieve the millions. I have set up a special account under the name of Mr. T. Payer – for Tax Payer. Hey and also, we should see a nice bit of interest come in once the funds are transferred.
When pushed on the details of the origins of the lump sum, Noonan replied:
“It’s basically an African Prince who works for a bank – he seems very nice and knew who I was, or at least that I was a man. He must have known we needed a lot of money. This bank seemingly forgot to carry the one or something and they have a couple of million left lying around that they don’t need. But they want a bank account to transfer it into. Luckily muggins here caught this deal early and we should be onto a nice little earner. The administration fee for this is only around the €60,000 mark so it really feels like a good deal for the taxpayer.”
“Hopefully a bit more luck like this will help us turn things around” he added.
“No need to thank me, I’m just doing my job” he added further.
“It’s about prosperity” he said finally.