Fianna Fáil leader Michael Martin has accused the Minister for Health Phil Hogan of dishonesty in his preparing of the health budget. After massive inaccuracies in spending predictions were revealed today – resulting in the HSE facing into a potential deficit of €500 million if corrective action is not taken – it transpired that Hogan had in fact announced the budget estimates in dog years, which need to be divided by seven to apply to humans.
Hogan responded angrily to Martin’s remarks, claiming that it was “ill-becoming” of the Fianna Fáil leader to accuse him of dishonesty. He claimed that the use of dog years – or “fiscal annualisational caninity” – is a common practise in parts of the business world to promote equality between members of the human and canine electorate through understanding and “aknowledgement of cultural differences in a changing world”. “I certainly feel saddened for the minister if he feels he should take this bigoted and human-centric approach to politics, but I expect nothing less from Fianna Fáil” said the Minister.
Taking this formatting discrepancy into account, the Health service defecit is reduced to a paltry €71 million. Hogan has indicated that in the near future he may announce this number backwards as €17 million to promote cultural solidarity with American backwards-trousered 90’s tween rappers Kriss Kross.