Local Councillors in rezoning bonanza

A reckless rezoning-spree at town-council level has been unearthed in the wake of revelations about the former Dungarvan town councillor and driving instructor Fred Forsey jr, who denies receiving €60,000, €10,000 and €10,000 in three corrupt payments from a developer – who cannot be named – in 2006.

It is alleged the payments were made to him by a pink shirt-wearing gas-guzzler-driving boom developer type in return for supporting a land rezoning deal. Since these highly uninteresting and typical revelations emerged, recent whistleblowers at various local planning committees have come out of the woodwork to reveal myriad plans to rezone land deemed unsuitable for residential development in order to multiply its value greatly. Dubious planning votes have included the approval of:

  • A 1600 ft diamond statue of Michael Lowry to be built in a graveyard on top of a load of graves in Holy Cross, Tipperary. A sign saying “MICHAEL FUCKING LOWRY” carved in ivory will be placed beside it, on top of some more graves. Some graves will also be bulldozed to make way for a Daybreak filling station and phone unlocking booth.
  • The destruction of three large ring forts in Westport, Co Mayo to make way for a gigantic castle-styled casino with neon turrets in a plot of land owned by Beverly Cooper Flynn and her husband.
  • A series of huge apartment complexes to be perched on the Cliffs of Moher

The government has vowed to establish a number of bloated pointless joke quangos to investigate the matter and invent a few jobs owed to party supporters’ unemployed sons (as long as they got their game last Sunday). Taoiseach Edna Kenny said “Fíne Gael will work alongside – as well as deeply paralleled in harmony with and in the company of – local governments to make sure effectual and meaningful procedures are put in place and executed to effect a positive and worthwhile outcome, etc etc”.

He then added “This is typical of the previous government”.