The now annual leaving cert mix-up folly returned to the country’s schools yesterday as a catalogue of serious errors in the administration of the exam papers caused confusion and inconvenience nationwide. As well as the new Project Maths syllabus being rolled out early to unsuspecting students in Maths paper I, a string of other calamatous mishaps have been revealed to have befellen the Department of Education and their seemingly incompetent staff since preparation began for the 2012 Leaving Certificate. So far, these have included:
- Irish Paper II accidentally printed in Portuguese and bizarrely formatted as multiple choice.
- English Paper I inadvertently distributed to all second-level students ahead of the exam via PDF attachement by a low-witted Dept of Education admin intern
- French oral exam mistakenly carried out in English
- Spanish listening exam tapes phased out and replaced by CDs which incorrectly played the entire 1979 “Communiqué” album by Dire Straits
- Various Art practical projects found floating in Cork’s Atlantic Pond
- Woodwork project mysteriously used as garden ornament in a Westmeath local welfare office
- All Polish students incorrectly listed as holding the name “Driving License“
The content for Biology and History was also unwittingly amalgamated into one exam, with frustrated students having to stay up all night at short notice to cram on unfamiliar topics such as fucus vesiculosus, mitochondrion function, Home Rule & the Land League. When asked about the fairness of this, Dept of Education minister Ruarí Quinn was defiant: “Students may have had to do a little more work to pass, but I think the paper was fair. Even though this arose due to a catastrophic and pathetic printing oversight, I still think we should look at it as a good thing for a progressive Ireland in a changing world”.
“Remember, it really does not matter what I say” he added.
Students outside The Convent of St. Margaret of the Suffering Agony and the Deplorable Sinner were vocal about the ramshackle LC paper quality control. Bernadette Teauxshoos explained “My French exam had a question about SIN, COS & TAN in it. I just ticked one of the periodic table elements in the corresponding multiple-choice graph and wrote my explanation for why I chose it, in the context of the role of any main characters from The Tempest…just like it asked. It was a bit confusing but hopefully I did alright. A lot of the paper was printed reading from right to left as well, which ate up a good few minutes at the start that I wasn’t expecting”
“I smoked hash before I went in to all my exams” added her friend Peter O’Callaghan