Lazy drunk students – not government – cause of unemployment says survey

StudentPLUS survey

A new survey by the Government website StudentPLUS has revealed shocking details behind the country’s endlessly grim unemployment figures. In a survey conducted last weekend, the website asked a number of questions relating to student attitudes regarding their prospects and the jobs market, as well as their day-to day alcohol and drug consumption. “The results were alarming” said Minister Richard Bruton. “We try and try to get the jobs out there, with initiatives such as ‘WorkPLUS’ and ‘DoleSMASH MaxPLUS’ but if young people just want to drink beer and smoke illegal drugs then there’s not a whole lot the government can do” he explained, shrugging and looking defeated.

“There’s no denying the evidence….the survey indeed depicts a country full of deluded young can-swigging bong-huffers looking for a free ride on easy street. With stark unemployment figures on the rise, the findings sadly show an unwillingness on the part of the unemployed person to engage with the many and excellently devised pro-active government strategies” he said. “What more can we do” he added, almost cheerfully.

StudentPLUS website

Sources say the survey was conducted by independent body PowerData PLC on two separate bus routes in the Jobstown area of Dublin and in Copper Faced Jacks Nightclub. It was further carried out at a house party later the same night with some people who returned from a festival, and again the next day in a beer garden near the same houseparty and finally in a branch of Zam Zam’s pizza.