Kenny ups demands ahead of TV appearance via Geller

Taoiseach EDNA KENNY revealed his inner egomaniac as he made petty demands and threw childish tantrums in protest over mounting pressure to take part in a TV debate, it was reported yesterday. Both RTÉ and TV3 have both expressed an interest in tabling a debate between the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ sides of the Fiscal Treaty Referendum argument. In representing the government’s ‘yes’ push, Kenny fears he would be raked over the coals by members of the opposition as well as planted RTÉ audience members on the Frontline who will ask questions written by researchers, as well as brain-donor Pat Kenny.

Bender Geller: "Kenny needs time and a lava lamp and a hat that says 'smoke weed' on it"

Speaking through confidant Uri Geller, Kenny revealed that he still has no intentions to participate in either station’s debate. Initially citing an aversion to Vincent Browne, Edna repeatedly declined to participate in debates hosted by a total of 6 subsequent presenter options, including Miriam O’Callaghan, Jed out of Jedward, Gloria Estefan and Angus MacNally. “Maybe MacNally”, admitted Geller “but at the moment it’s still ‘no’. Edna needs time to think and needs his aura to be calm etc”

RTÉ chairman Tom Savage stated “we really want Kenny to partake in the Frontline debate. Nobody wants to go toe-to-toe with life-hating badger Vincent Browne – that’s understandable. But what could go wrong with a live RTÉ debate? I just don’t get it”

“Although maybe he’s worried that we could end up libelling him, or making up fake questions and pretending the audience is asking them, or repeatedly accusing him of wrongdoing based on fabricated tweets”

“It’s hard to tell WHAT he’s thinking” added Savage.

Uri Geller has since made a series of juvenile demands on behalf of Kenny while he mulls over his position sulkily in his bedroom with the music up really loud. These include:

  • Lava Lamp
  • 6 bags Maltesers
  • Jersey & hurley signed by Mayo team
  • X-Works Jeans and British Knighs high-top sneakers (yellow ONLY)
  • Latest Shabba Ranks album