Judge Mary Devins to spearhead exceptionally poor upcoming RTÉ Autumn schedule

After a week in the press, outspoken Mayo judge Mary Devins has been plucked from judicial notoriety to begin her new television career with RTÉ hosting the upcoming show ‘Judge Uafásach’. The new position will see her preside over actual small claims court cases with the defendants and plaintiffs singing rather than stating their claims. Devins will then make her judgement based on the merits of the performance, peppered with her own inimitable brand of good-natured quippery and racism. As a foil, haggard colloquial non-entity Angus MacNally will be on hand to inject proceedings with a dose of Country ‘n’ Irish craic, throwing Black Jack sweets into the crowd and shouting “yeeeuw!” intermittently.

“It’s basically a mix of Judge Judy, X Factor, The Grand Ole Opry and a few other well-known shows.” said Tom Savage, RTÉ director. “It’s been a poor year for the station with €16.8m losses after tax. We want to show the Irish people that we have our finger on the pulse”.

VIEWING: Hector O'Huckuckaguckagáin will fill up 78% of scheduled programming with 11% also going to slowly-loading Aertel pages

RTÉ’s autumn programming will be beefed up by a weekly 12-part biopic on housewives favorite Craig Doyle, a documentary series about the history and making of Nationwide and 6 different shows presented by Hector O’ Huckaguckagáin.

“Hector’s appeal goes from strength to strength – we’ve seen him travelling through Asia and having the craic, having the craic at the races – or ‘GeeGees’ as he calls them! – and having the craic watching the football with the lads. This season we’re going to see Hector in a number of new & challenging landscapes such as having the craic at a hooley at Belsen Concentration Camp and trying to set up a mighty session in Ailwee caves despite having been dosed with Ketamine and deprived of water and food. Think Bear Grylls with less survival skills but more craic. And drugs and sleep deprivation and insects.”

“Weeuw! It’s going to be mighty lads” said Hector in anticipation of the upcoming season’s viewing, before raising his eyebrows up and down and sticking his tongue into the side of his mouth.

“We’ll have the craic, ha!” ha added, irritatingly.

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