The Irish electorate’s boiling point was finally reached as angry Irish citizens finally ‘snapped’ yesterday marched on the MET Eireann building after a promised record-breaking day of sunshine failed to materialise.
Following three weeks of unprecedented heat and sunshine on the island, the hapless meteorological service provider issued more stark weather ‘warnings’ for the week ahead with ‘risks’ of sun, heat, swimming, barbeques, ice-cream, increased horniness and a 45% rise in 90’s pop reggae on the radio.
Unfortunately the country awoke to a different type of ‘fine’ weather with a heavy ‘punishment beating’-style rain ‘penance’ covering the entire country from morning till night, with old men being blown off their bicycles, shoppers drenched by passing cars and everyone moping around in a miserable and soaking malaise.
Angry protests ripped through Dublin’s suburban residential areas where many individuals had booked time off work to go to Galway on the lash or Dollymount strand to top up their tans and finally bronze out all the pink bits near their arse. Wooden gates and garden furniture were smashed and turned into makeshift torches as an angry mob made their way through Drumcondra and Finglas to descend on the poorly-designed tardis-style MET eireann building and set it alight.
“I’ve had it with MET Eireann” said Seamus Dollop of Cabra as he scaled the building. “They just tell you what the weather is when you already looking at it. They are just a pack of useless sponging chancers on the doss and we’re here to smoke them out. I’m looking in the window right now. There’s a guy with a lab coat playing Angry Birds on his phone and two other fat girls eating pots of Tesco pasta and comparing the fat content.”
“Now I think the girl on the right is reading an article in ‘Closer‘ magazine about how Holly from Geordie Shore has become unhappy with her look ever since she changed her hair colour. Her friend – I think – is arguing that she might be sad in solidarity with Sophie because of her – Sophie – being broken up with Joel. Now the first one is arguing ‘why would SHE be sad, especially if she knew they were never really an item? Okay now the room is on fire and they are screaming and jumping out the window’.
“Hang on, the second fat girl has climbed back in to get her fags and some magazines and her bag. Okay now she has jumped back out”