A new survey conducted on the streets of Dublin has revealed that inflation, bond markets and the central bank are all “annoying” and “boring” topics that have worn out their welcome with the general public. So weak is the anticipation for news of financial developments that broadsheet newspaper purchasing has catastophically plummetted in the last few weeks, resulting in massive layoffs of economic journalists and an increase of sad faces in the dole queue. Analysts have attributed this to a mix of relentlessly heavy fiscal content clogging the front pages coupled with a lack of the usual pathetic mirth derived from Dáil proceedings because of the summer recess.
“Lately it’s all ‘interest rates’ and ‘ECB rates’. It’s boring” said Conor Scumhat, a mobile phone thief from Dublin’s north side. “I’ve stopped buying the paper in the morning now, it’s a waste” he added.
The Irish Independant have recently replaced irritable long-standing curmudgeon Kevin Myers with loudmouthed 4FM everyman Niall Boylan in an effort to
boost online sales revenue with his highly popular brand of misguided frustration and mildly-informed boorishness.
“I’m really looking forward to getting my teeth into some hot topics. Gay single mothers, sponger immigrants and so on. At least with a written opinion column I won’t have to keep explaining the topic to that lonely and confused old woman who rings in every night” said Boylan. “She’s a totally annoying bastard” he added.