The always splendid and wonderlovely Amy Huberman looked gracious, exquisite and radiant as she heard the wonderful news today that she will feature in all news stories printed by the Irish Independent, commencing in August this year.
“It’s simply wonderful news” said the fair, charming and beautiful Amy as she clung radiantaliciously to her hunky rugger hubby Brian O’Driscoll. “It will give me a wonderful chance to promote all the wonderful activities which I have planned” she said, with class and splendidness “such as charity stuff and getting free cars”.
Amy’s splenderwonderful PR manager Rex Constrictor from Dublin’s Acid Bath PR agency was suitably pleased with the contract, which will run indefinitely. “Amy will have to feature – and feature Huberprominently – in all news and items of copy in the paper from August on. She used to just get the front page every day but I wanted more of a ‘Huberinfluence’ over the news items and general tone of the paper going forward. They’re screwed – they’ll basically do anything as this stage, especially considering I have pictures of the paper’s editor paying cash to a Westmeath publican to take part in an illegal backroom cat hammering competition” said the PR chief. The Irish Independent will have to lend a Huberistic bias to all content from the end of the Summer, adding sexy and charming commentary from Huberman concerning any and all high court cases, international conflicts and political development.
Test copy has appeared online featuring paragraphs akin to the following: Twenty-five people died in a spate of car bombs in Beirut on Monday. Three of the bombs exploded at markets where people were shopping. Last week, bombs blew up at Sunni mosques amid Friday prayers and at a restaurant in a Shiite area. Amy Huberman was heard to say “it’s just awful” as she lunched at Patrick Guibauld’s Merrion St eatery before heading to the shops wearing a gorgeous pair of pumps from her debut collection, Bourbon.
“I think it’s simply wonderful, all this interest in little me!” said Amy, attractivingly. “It’s lucky because my book was copied word for word from an essay I wrote in sixth year and refers heavily to a Jennifer Lopez album I was listening to at the time as it was stuck in my Walkman. It hasn’t sold that well” said Amy yesterday, wonderspledidly. “I just hope it gives me a chance to go shopping for a new car! Something in pink maybe!” she radiantly revealed gracefully. The Land Rover Envoque I’ve been driving is simply wonderful. It has great acceleration in the mid range, and gets great MPG even with a boot load of shoes from my new range for sale in Brown Thomas from July 2014″ she sexily divulged, glamorously.