The Healy-Rae independent TD dynasty made the headlines again this morning with the news that Collins’ English Dictionary has approved the use of the term “Healy-Rae” as a verb and noun describing success thanks to the use of tenacity and ignorance. “It’s a good term, a little mealy-mouthed perhaps, as it’s double-barreled. But we feel it is still an effective and succinct way to describe any number of these situations in your daily life. Kicking people in the calves to get to bar before closing time, for instance. Or pretending to have a broken ankle and screaming your head off in McDonald’s just so they’ll give you a free Cheeseburger. “One might say ‘I Healy-Rae’d a burger out of McDonalds earlier, with the old fall ‘n’ wail“. Or used as a noun one could say “my afternoon was uneventful, save for the Cheeseburger I scored from empathetic McDonald’s staff to whom I slipped a classic Healy-Rae; the old trip ‘n’ bitch” The dictionaries will go on sale early next month priced €4.99
Danny Healy Rae caused disbelief, outrage etc yesterday with news that he and three other councilors will petition the Justice Minister Alan Shatter to create Drink Driving Licenses for rural customers so they can get steamed and drive home without breaking the law. “It’s not right that they’re being treated the same as the rest of the travelling public and they have never killed anyone” said Danny Healy-Rae who is a pub owner in Kilgarvan, Co Kerry. The other councilors who voted the motion through are also local pub owners.
Danny Healy-Rae was unavailable for comment on the matter as he was busy burying a Toyota starlet in the back field, (away upalong and down past the blue barrell and left, then backalong). His brother Michael was in the Dáil talking about “the hum” and his father Jackie was somewhere else pissing everybody off doing something totally annoying.
In a landmark day for Irish political and cultural satire, the councilor finally tipped the Healy-Rae dynasty off the lampoon cliff and into a new “safe zone”, where there is seen to be no point in send-up or satire of any kind anymore . “Danny & the Healy-Rae’s enduring & timeless gombeen stereotype clings on with roach-like tenacity in any political, economic or cultural climate” says Phoenix editor Luke Goss. “It’s like laughing at someone with a really huge, big head. At first it’s like, yeah he has a huge head. Ha that’s gas. But after a while, it’s just not funny. Eventually you realise it’s just terrible” he said, looking all sad.