Finance minister Michael Noonan has today launched an earnest and gut-wrenching Fundit campaign to raise funds for crippled local councils which he says have been forced to provide poorer quality service to Irish towns and cities than ever before.
“It’s a real shame. The previous government have really robbed this country blind. Thanks to last week’s brutal budget, the previous government have forced the current government to callously take an absolute fortune away from local authorities, leaving the country starved of essential services. Running water, heating and imported goods are all likely to be coming in and out of existence in this country with uncertainty for the foreseeable future, as well as law enforcement services and social welfare payments. And public health. Roads are not going to be repaired anymore and we may very well again see desperate sights such as 23 young men riding on the roof of a JCB through a wet muck bog in order to get to the coastline so they can swim to the UK. Or a filthy young woman with a shawl on trying to boil some old potato peelings for dinner on a makeshift stove in the boot of a burnt-out Proton saloon.”
“Thanks a lot, the previous government!” he added sarcastically.
With this grim prospect bearing down on the country, Noonan was happy to announce a new plan to inject some cashflow to local administrations. Dubbed “Fundependency”, the new Fundit campaign appeal style sees the minister & government asking Irish citizens to raise funds for local systems in a “non-tax” but “good craic” way, which he stressed twice was “not part of the tax system”.
“It’s all about prosperity. About people.” pleaded Noonan from the FundNOW stage set. “Increasingly, people need running water, heat and food. And people need one another. Now – more than ever. Let’s help each other help ourselves”
For every donation of cash to Irish local authorities, the donor will recieve a shout-out from Aongus Macanally and Hector Ó’Huckaguckagáin from the FundNOW studio as the campaign streams live on RTÉ Network 2. Donations of over €15,000 will receive a special “weeeeeee-oooow!” from Macanally and sums in excess of €5m recieved will claim a special visit from Hector to one of a choice of 5 local hooleys/sessions.