Garlic Tax cheat Begley up to old tricks

Tax scoundrel Paul Begley has reappeared in the headlines with the news that his fine-dodging knows no bounds in or outside prison walls.

The grocery boss was jailed in 2012 by Judge Martin Nolan for six years for attempting to avoid a 232% import tax on garlic, and has unbelievably resurrected his lust for crime from within the prison laundry where he works. The prisoner under-declared a consignment of cigarettes destined for the Mountjoy Mafia, a tough prison gang comprised of violent knife-happy psychopaths who conduct transactions in stabbings only. The consignment arrived in a cake baked by a prisoner’s wife and contained 10 boxes of John Player Blue, with the nefarious Begley labeling them as “Winfield Blue” and pocketing the profits as he passed on the goods.

Begley's business will now be turned into a massive branch of 'Claire's Accessories'.

“Begley will have to stab up to 20 inmates to make reparations for his clerical error” said a source close to the callous tax scamp.

“The gang use knife crime as “legal tender” and instead of a light stabbing in the legs as payment for the cigarettes, they are going to have to mete out some sort of ‘punishment stabbing’, which could be quite dicey. Begley might even have to sneak up on himself and catch himself off-guard with a surprise self-stabbing. The gang is not only blood-in and blood-out, they are also blood-up, blood-down and blood-sideways.

“You could say they’re blood bonkers!” he laughed.

Since entering the prison, Begley has become an equally violent and sadistic criminal, and has taken part in 200 brutal murders, arm-breakings and maimings. He has a huge garlic bulb tattooed on his back along with the words GARLIC THUG and NEVA F**K WIT DA GARLIC PLAYA. It also says “F**K ONIONS” on his face.