FG roll out new faces in PR blitz

Edgar Winter, Myra Hyndley, Echo Island’s Mary Kingston, Rudolf Hess & Burt Bacharach are just some of the highly unlikely names chosen by Fine Gael to help promote their “you’re-too-stupid-to-understand-the-Treaty” campaign.
FG hired some unpaid interns on a Jobsbridge scheme and sent them out on the streets to find out just who the public relates to most, with surprising and suspiciously unlikely results. The research showed that, far from understanding any of the treaties’ various articles and clauses, the Irish electorate actually thought that the upcoming vote was dubbed “Lisbon”, that the treaty enshrined the right of banks to powersaw bad-debters’ hands off, that it was votable via premium-rate text and that the government had facilitated a mentoring system with the gay guy from Westlife coaching the country to a win.
As a matter of course, FG instantly send Edna out to the press to demonstrate a completely meaningless treaty-related app on an iPhone, holding it out while a mixed-race teenager stood by giving the thumbs-up. A radio advert campaign was rolled out to include Burt Bacharach singing the message “what the world, needs now, is a yes, to the EuropeanfiscaltreatyonMay31st”. FG PR chiefs also put in place a prime-time advert slot featuring 8-foot tall 70’s albino rock-freak Edgar Winter screaming “vote YES to the fiscal treeee-taaaaay!!!” into the camera as his band played his hit “Frankenstein” on flaming instruments.
Finally the party unleashed a series of internet adverts featuring personalities that allegedly resonate with the Irish electorate, such as Lottie Ryan and Bob Seger. Fine Gael press secretary Richard Mindbreak was adamant that the research had been thoroughly carried-out and that personalities such as Nazi Spandau prisoner and Hitler’s aide Rudolf Hess and Gerald Fleming from the RTÉ weather reports were “trending” in their figures. “The people will hear from those who can best carry the message to them, with the values and attributes that the Irish public in 2012 respond to” said Mindbreak. Rumours that the interns at FG had just filled in the research forms themselves while spending two afternoons in a North Dublin beer garden drinking Linden Village cider were furiously denied.

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