Fame-mad Michael Healy-Rae has rare reverse-vitiligo

WHACKO MUCKO: How Heal-Rae may look after operation to keep him in the papers

Headline grabbing Kerry TD Michael Healy-Rae has hit the headlines again having gone under the knife at a Kerry plastic surgery to correct his worsening ‘reverse vitiligo’ and keep his name in the headlines. The skin pigmentation disorder, made famous by Michael Jackson, has seen the bizarre Kerry TD have a pre-emptive operation to fully transform himself into a black-skinned man. “At first I thought there was a lash a muck on my face and hair” said the ubiquitous TD & publican “as I had been up the back field, swinging a stick and roaring at some frogs. “But I soon realised it wasn’t muck, it was me – and I was going black!” The TD said he was about to undergo a series of skin pigmentation treatments to correct what he called “unsightly blotchiness” and uneveness of colour in his appearance. “Being a publican and champion of the rural people of Ireland, even skin tone is of utmost importance if I’m to stick it to those bowsies in Dublin” The Kerry South TD has made regular headlines for speaking out on a number of issues of alleged importance to rural people for whom he considers himself an ambassador.
These include:

  • Legally granting country people the right to commit murder by shooting each other and drink driving.
  • Granting a license for the sale of intoxicating liquors from out of a trailer or small car lodged in a ditch
  • Granting planning permission for a processing plant on Cahirciveen land for grinding up unwanted children into powder to be used in cattle feed
  • Granting legislation for the use of dead sheep in a number of ritualistic sacrificial offerings to various Kerry gods, including the God of Liver Fluke and the God of Prompt Keg Delivery before a Big Match or before a Bank Holiday

The TD says that his next project, once he has become completely black, is to have his body scaled up 300% in size and have his arms converted into guns with pints coming out of them.