Cyber-Bullying out of control say teachers’ survey

Reacting to a survey, the INTO says thousands of children are showing signs of slipping through the education net by the time they reach 13 thanks to a deadly outbreak of cyber-bullying over the Christmas period, which has reduced over 89% of students to brainless, illiterate jelly formations with phones sticking out of them.

The findings are based on data collected in the ‘Growing up in Ireland’ project carried out by the ESRI, which tracked the educational experiences of about 7,500 children at the age of 13, as a follow-up to similar interviews when they were nine.

A hopeless drool expert, yesterday

The INTO and ASTI have hastily published a separate own report on illiteracy in Ireland, which revealed that while most 13-year-olds were broadly positive about school, an outbreak of heavy cyber-bullying occurred just before the ESRI survey’s completion which, the report claims,  may explain the dismal result within. “Cyber bullies know only one world – the world of technical-victimisation and ‘superhighway-enteasement’. And if a child falls victim to this world, it can be the first signs of a brutal future filled with illiteracy, welfare dependency and chronic alcoholism.” said INTO’s Breda O’Shaughnessy.”

The ESRI data reveals that 74% of 12 year old’s play the mobile phone game “Angry Birds” from the moment they get on the bus to school to the time they finish their dinner when they switch to the Xbox. According to the findings, mobile devices are harder to detect in classrooms as children can raise their hands while still playing with the other. “It’s a real issue, I’ll be shouting at Ruarí Quinn about it at our annual meeting later in the year.” said Limerick ASTI member Linda Coughlan. “We’re really going to give it to that bald bastard. He’s useless.”

“And he looks like the guy on the bongos from M-People” she added

“What we’re seen, more and more, is pupils disengagising from the schooling system thanks to cyber-bullies who take bright children and reduce them into insecure strings of puke that drag theirselves round school all mopey and painful.” says INTO representative Shirley Notte. “No matter how good our teaching and schools is been, they are broke from day zero” she added.

The ESRI study confirms much of what emerged in previous studies but is of significance because of the size of the sample, while it also offers new insights including how children with special educational needs are faring.

Key findings include:

  • 35pc of girls liked school “very much” compared with 23% of boys who said they mainly think about wanking and car spoilers.
  • Fatter students claimed to enjoy “lunchtime” the most while bully students preferred class time so they could do their bullying.
  • 35% of those whose mother had a degree (or higher) liked school very much, compared with 26% of those whose mother had a lower secondary qualification. However of that 35%, over 92% were insufferable, know-it-all, shit-headed children who naturally repulsed others.
  • 36% of those who were in first year liked school very much, but that dropped to 25% among second years when the likelihood of lying in a survey also reduced dramatically.
  •  30% of girls were praised by their teachers “very often”, compared with 22% of boys who were said to be “profoundly less needy and irritating” than girls.
  • 64% of boys had been reprimanded by teachers for distracting and unruly behaviour, compared with 46% of girls, who were reprimanded for kissing arse and telling on others.
  •  20% of students with special education needs were praised for their schoolwork “very often”, compared with 27% of students with no special needs who were ignored and allowed to play games on their phones and chat in grammatically challenged terms.
  • 34% of those from non-employed households received detention, compared with 16% of those from professional/managerial backgrounds who were able to get their parents to talk the teachers out of it.

It also highlighted how the school experience can change between first year and second year – for instance, the chances of being reprimanded because of school work rose from 46% in first year to 56% in second year. Second year also heralded a huge increase in the onset of Adam’s apples, big greasy spots, breasts, hips, broad shoulders, sexual activity and emotional imbalance. These changes are thought to be mainly down to a lack of Omega oils in the diet.