Crime correspondant Paul Williams reveals himself as exciting caped superhero in exclusive report

Scourge of the underworld criminal and mysterious caped crimefighter The Elk has been exposed by tabloid journalist Paul Williams as none other than himself – tabloid journalist Paul Williams. The dramatic and amazing story unfolded in an exclusive front-page screamer and three-page investigation for the Sunday World yesterday as Williams attained evidence, including a tape of himself professing to be The Elk.

Official photo from The Elk's press release

The exposé lifts the lid on the superhero’s identity and motivations with remarkable depth and detail. In it, Williams explains his shocking confession and claims he had no idea who The Elk was until he went over CCTV and Garda footage from 2006, and was “literally stunned” to discover that the caped & masked tights-wearing night-time vigilante was in fact himself. “I guess I was leading a double life” reveals Williams in the frank, honest and open interview with himself. “But I just didn’t know”. He appeals to the Elk to continue his crime-fighting exploits before the city of Dublin rots to the core from nefarious criminal activity at the hands of exciting scumbags. “We need The Elk. Somebody’s got to stand up to these guys” writes Williams. “If it has to be me, well – so be it”

The Elk first appeared on the streets of Dublin late one night in 2006 when he was seen by eyewitnesses attempting to kick-in the door of an alleged brothel in Glasnevin in order to apprehend an alleged drug-dealer. The superhero vanished into the night after receiving a tremendous beating at the hands of the family living inside and some passers-by. He reappeared three weeks later at Dublin’s Savoy cinema to astonished onlookers as he accosted a group of men standing outside and accused them of various criminal activities, including their running of a pimp game using trafficked sex slaves in full view of a primary school in Palmerstown. Again he was the subject of a vicious beating and was forced to be helped via taxi by sympathetic onlookers to receive treatment at an all-night veterinarian’s office close by.

Appearances then ceased for three years before The Elk turned up in Grafton street in November 2009 to apprehend some criminals he alleged were ensconced in Lilly’s Bordello nightclub. Witness Shauna Snot-Purcell says she was standing in the queue to get in when saw the caped superhero running down the street with ‘a deranged look’ in his masked eyes. She says he tried to enter the club to catch what he said was ‘one of the country’s worst drug dealing pimps & murderers’ but was met with difficulty from a bouncer and one of the managers. It is not known if The Elk was able to catch the criminal but it is confirmed that he appeared again later in a taxi at the waiting area of St James’ hospital Accident & Emergency unit complaining of broken bones.

GRAINY: Only known photo of The Elk at work

Also published was a grainy but irrefutable photo of The Elk standing outside a shopping centre in North dublin. Williams himself was able to confirm that he was there that day, dressed as The Elk, waiting for his wife to finish the groceries so he could give her the car keys as he had needed the car earlier in the day to go to Highfield hospital in Swords, where he had needed minor medical attention after attempting to apprehend a man in his local betting shop who he had mistakenly thought was a drug-dealing pimp.

“He said I was Freddy ‘The Dog’ Mitchell. Or Jimmy ‘The Bad Apple’ Ward. Or something anyway, I can’t remember. He had come in wearing his little outfit, blind drunk and covered in curry sauce. He then lost €40 on a dog race – as usual – and started giving out and shouting. I beat the bollocks off him and put his little mask down the front of his pants.” said local man Brendan O’Connell. “I then called him Paul ‘The Eejit’ Williams before phoning his wife to come and collect him again” he added.