The Centra chain of supermarkets has replaced their controversial Children’s Allowance Day promotional deal with another offer of even better value to alcoholics after widespread media coverage on radio and television boosted their sales by 400% in one day. “We simply can’t believe the enormous response” said head of sales Jimothy Backpass. “It’s been a wonderful week for Centra and our continually expanding brand of gaudy and nauseating convenience stores with it’s patronising livery and hate-filled staff. With these hot sales our company strides confidently towards the third quarter of 2012 with a healthy bottom line” he gushed.
The chain came in for heavy criticism today thanks to a flyer – which was circulated by stores in Fairview and East Wall in Dublin, one store in Kilcoole, Co Wicklow and another in Tullamore, Co Offaly – suggesting consumers spend their Children’s Allowance on cut-price booze. The Taoiseach Edna Kenny described it as “exceptionally irresponsible”. Having sent the promotion around the country three times via the RTÉ news (with a 2 minute piece on the six o’clock run), Centra quickly outlined a similar promotion for Smirnoff vodka – sales of which have been flagging since early in the year.
“Our spirit sales have been good overall but there’s always a lull after Christmas, it’s just inevitable. We really didn’t predict such a storming reaction to our Children’s Allowance promo so we thought we would jump up and down on it while the going was good” said Backpass.
“Next week we’re hoping that Alan Cantwell will do his dramatic voice on TV3 news when we’re going to reel the tramps in with half-price Linden Village cider”, he added.