Budget could cheer everyone up, technically

Tomorrow’s budget will be so withering and financially destructive to Irish citizens that it will technically be a good thing, argued Eamon Gilmore from his Dublin constituency today.

“It’s going to be so cruel and harsh, you’ll wonder what you were bothered about before. And you’ll feel like it can’t get any worse” he said.

“And both of those things are good, technically. The Irish people will know that this is the absolute worst it can ever be, nothing will be more brutally unjust and demoralising. They’ll know they’re coming out of a bad patch and with that should come a feeling of unrestrained euphoria

“It should really cheer everyone up” he added “unless next year’s budget is worse, which it undoubtedly will be”

“Much much worse…really bad” he mentioned, finally.

The Codologist has compiled a quick breakdown of the finer points of tomorrow’s budget: