“Bargain” Ghost estate sells for 10 grand a house

A ghost estate in Tullow, Co. Carlow that was built beside the world’s largest dogshit is reported to have been “snapped up” as “a bargain” by a mystery buyer who is said to have plans to level and entirely redevelop the site. “These houses would have gone for 250k during the boom” said the auctioneer responsible for the sale “except unfortunately, they didn’t…for some reason”

Speculation has been rife as to why the houses remained unsold until now, with some fingers pointing at the oversaturation of the housing and apartment market by greedy and pig-ignorant developers with a stultifying lack of awareness or foresight. Others have claimed the site was unsuitable as an attractive residential proposition as it stands close to the world’s biggest dogshit with a gigagntic loudmouthed chainsmoking scumbag sticking out of it. The site is also over 3 miles’ walk from the nearest bus stop and nearby amenities are generally poor, including being nowhere near a shop, hospital, school or garden centre.

“These houses are of the highest quality and represent a real boon for the first time buyer” gushed Artimus Lovebreast of Tedio Valuers & Property. “Blah blah blah property ladder everyone’s doing it, buy now now now” he added.

The site is said to have sold to an eccentric and diabolical genius scientist who plans to level the poorly made houses and install a large fake volcano with a monorail. A searing heat ray and busty crew of Russian babes will arrive in the coming months pending planning persmission with Carlow County Council.



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