HSE launches another website following threesome debacle

The HSE has launched a new youth health website following the news that SpunOut.ie has insisted on keeping its controversial “threesomes” article online despite criticism from Health Minister Dr James Reilly. In a memo to the HSE, Dr. Reilly outlined his concerns about the article, saying it was “tasteless to the max”, “heaps juvenile” and “way misleading”. The minister stated that threesomes can be “very hurtful for those involved, and for anyone who is perhaps not taking part in the act but may have dropped their girlfriend off at a work do where she might have tried it and again later to a party where she definitely probably got up to something”.

Dr. James Reilly

SpunOut.ie spokesman Ian Power said that some of the language in the article, including words like “reacharound”, “ball-blast” and “over-handed double bum pump”, was amended over the weekend to appease the more vocal critics within the government and press circles. But he insisted that they had no intention of making any changes in response to further criticism. “We are simply responding to the changing sexual landscape in Ireland”

Spunout.ie will see 'stiff' competition, LOL

“It’s a jungle out there for these kids – and it’s a jungle of fannies and willies and hot porno” he added, with a foreboding tone.

Callers to Joe Duffy‘s ‘Liveline‘ show on RTE Radio 1 complained that the astronomical €124,000 in annual funding supplied by the HSE to the site meant it was supporting the “normalisation” of threesomes for teenagers.

“This internet website gives advice on what to do if you suddenly need to have sex in hundreds of unlikely places, including a milk float and even an abandoned Balloon and Party Materials distribution office” said outraged caller Mary O’Boreblouse on-air. “And not necessarily with another human. It’s enough to make you set your own car on fire” she added. She then continued to talk at length about abstinence, Jesus, rosary beads and how she had recently set her car on fire.

Meanwhile the HSE has invested another €120,000 in a new site called “coolplus.ie”, targeting young Irish internet users with a milder take on sexual adventure. The site features games and puzzles and the has also secured the rights to the popular “Clarissa Explains it All” TV character who can be seen contributing helpful sexual advice in her inimitable and straightforward style. On the site, Clarissa encourages more traditionally temperate sexual practices to enjoy with a partner including moaning about the rate at which the household goes through milk during intercourse or frolicking in a nettle patch or field laden with cow dung and sheep piss.